Hey, fellow womxn/women! I talked about networking as an introvert a couple of posts ago and I wanted to take this week’s memo a little further. I’ve witnessed something that may help you in your world, so I wanted to share it.

Life Lesson #295: It’s not as scary to have a dialogue with someone else with truth, healing, presence, or kindness, in mind.

You know those stories that you recall, or tell yourself, or ruminate about…for a long time? We play out the script in our heads: how it went and how it could’ve gone. I have those experiences or random memories where I think, “That could’ve gone better.” Or, “Why did I decide to do that?” And maybe, “That situation did not end how I wanted it to.”

Two conversations in the last month have shown me the absolute beauty of being honest with yourself. With what you knew at the time and in trying to do your best, both then and now. Definitely, you may not be too happy with what happened or occurred, but at that moment in time, you were trying to work with what you knew.

Some of us feel shame or embarrassment for days, months, even years, honestly. But there are ways to work through this and process the feelings and circumstances to heal. Let’s dive in!

Tips for Dialogue That Helps Us Grow

Tip #1: Maybe the Most Important Tip, Listen to Yourself

I don’t mean this in a negative way, but “when all else fails…” as they say, we have ourselves. And two thoughts come to mind:

• We can do our best in listening and being present with another person, but sometimes it’s not meant to be right then. Sometimes, patience is the next step and letting things unfold as they may.
• Maybe more importantly, if we don’t know how to listen to our body, emotions, and spirit, then how can we expect to be cognizant of others’ feelings and perceptions?

Showing ourselves tenderness, openness, and hope, can become a ripple effect for others in our world. If we practice love towards ourselves, we can hold space for others that may be trying to do the same thing. The opposite can happen, too: if we’re hard on ourselves, we may be harder on others… The point is, we all need to start with our healing and work out from there.

Tip #2: Ask Yourself, “Why Waste Today and Push Away Progress?”

What does that mean? Well, the idea of “wasting” time or energy is something we all do… Until we see the importance or the need of not wasting any more time, we’ll potentially repeat our same actions and choices.

The last year and half of the pandemic have taught us many lessons: good ones, tragic ones, or mundane ones. I’ll be the first to share that I’ve decided to have authentic conversations and keep serving, and maintain a focus on self-care and development. Every day is an opportunity to be present and we never know when our Souls want to move forward on the next journey.

What have you been putting off, simply out of discomfort with it?

This isn’t an easy question to reflect on, admittedly. And while we can’t change people, we can all try to ask ourselves where we can be brave and heal within. If we share feelings or reflections with someone else, in a grounded and brave space, maybe we can find our voice along the way. In each shared statement and silent moment, we can build a space and conversation that stems from compassion vs. competition, agendas, or not having enough time for others.

A Tip That Can Help Us All Grow

Tip #3: Sit Back Long Enough to Co-create Healing and Reflection Together

Real quick, I’m not talking about giving away all of yourself in a conversation, nor only letting that person tell you what they felt, when they felt it, and that’s it. We’re talking about balanced relationships.

To unpack this tip, let’s think about what’s in our control for a second. We can all feel when someone is trying to cram an issue down our throat. So, the dialogue goes more smoothly when we try to not outright force issues, opinions, or judgments on one another. Why waste our energy (like Tip #1) on an unreceptive audience, yeah?

If there is potential there, try to take the time to sit with, and “see,” that person across from you. See what their expressions really are. Acknowledge their words and the emphasis behind them. Examine what the message is beneath… Active listening is a real skill and it does take practice. It’s not easy to do when we have 100 things on our minds, but our Humanness would appreciate being heard by their Humanness and vice versa. So, let’s exchange this gift together. And if we’re the one doing a better job at listening and responding maturely, then at least we shared our truths with openness. Later, we can walk away with an acknowledgment that we did our best.*

*Before we close up here, I know what it’s like to have a safe space for dialogue and when it’s not. With that in mind, if we can find safer people to talk with or heal with, our own journey will be supported.

FSW is always here for you and as this business goes on, there will continue to be resources and authenticity that are supportive! If you want to sign up for the FSW Circle and learn of new content a.s.a.p., here’s the link and you’ll get a mini-guide. Or, if you’d rather start with the free FSW Quiz on living a full life, check it out. Any questions? You can always email me 1:1 and we can walk this journey together!