On FSW social media, I’ve got an image with a statement on it: “Your Wisdom is Within.” But what does it mean and why is it important to chat about?

To simply dive in, some of us look outside ourselves for confirmation, validation, or sometimes to feel valuable. This also depends on our culture and the family or care units we’ve lived in. For instance, it’s a pretty typical response to look for validation in relationships; it helps us connect with one another and share empathy. But what happens when that self-value confirmation is tied up in looking to others or outside things too much? Now, disclaimer: I’m going to talk about a topic that is complex and 100% unique to each individual going through it. This is just my two cents and not professional advice. Ok?

Losing Ourselves, Co-dependency, or Enabling

When I reflect on co-dependency, a debated concept, what comes to my mind is a combination of movement and stagnation. Perhaps, we cling, we rush, or we give up part of ourselves, or we wait, we might ruminate, and we might get lost. More often than not, we hear about co-dependency being about interpersonal relationships, but I also like to think of it outside of relationships, too, in a sense. Or, maybe another way to think about this is what we choose to enable, or do we lose ourselves in enabling? Some of the questions below can and do happen. Whether any of this resonates with you or not (maybe a friend), I’m here to help you see your own value.

Reflections *trigger warning*:

1. Are there times you give up your voice, physical comfort, or free will, to please another or appease a situation? (Understandably, there are circumstances where this happens for safety reasons.)
2. Do you ever lose yourself in an activity that has you so engrossed or confined that you’re not sure who you are while in it?
3. Ever wonder why you tolerate crappy friends/contacts that don’t fill your bucket or give back, but they take from you and you let them?
4. Or what about the workplace, where you do all that you can to please the boss or the organization, sacrificing damn near everything without a return on investment?
5. Do you over-identify with X, Y, or Z, and don’t know how or what to identify as you?

First, maybe none of these apply and it’s something else that has you hooked, so to speak. Second, we have all faced challenging circumstances where we lost ourselves or gave away our self-value to others for validation. Some of us have done it for years, others do it in a one-time deal; the timeline doesn’t really matter per se. And, again, this is all just my own comments and such.

For a moment, let’s set aside the words of co-dependency, or enabling, or however you identify circumstances like these. Point is, when we give ourselves away, or we get lost, the “wisdom is within” statement can feel empowering. Why? It’s not because I came up with it for FSW, but because it’s totally true about you. Just because you lose yourself in something, or someone, it doesn’t mean your worth is gone forever. Your North Star, inner compass, God/Goddess, has not left. It’s still there, waiting to show you your way. You don’t need to look outside yourself, consistently, for validation, inner healing, or to find out who you are and your worth. Looking outward for your value and self-worth isn’t exactly a long-term game. I get it though, it can totally happen to any of us. So, how do we begin to course correct?

Here are Three Quick Tips to Giving Yourself Grace & Looking and Working Inward not Outward

1. Commit to self-forgiveness and apply tenderness towards yourself, pronto. Regardless of co-dependency or enabling, we have to care for ourselves first.
2. Find your purpose. Try to not go after someone else’s purpose, or get bogged down in a situation that doesn’t serve your highest good. Your self-worth is in your journey.
3. Utilize resources that help you find you vs. cling to an outside influence that may or may not have your highest interest(s) in mind.

And for another perspective on co-dependency and healing, this came into my Inbox and I wanted to share. Disclaimer: I haven’t watched it all, but I appreciate Christina’s work and maybe you’ll learn something from this video.

Whew! This is a big topic, but what do you think? I could write about it more and go deeper, but thought we’d start on the surface level today. If you have some thoughts about it or want to share your perspective, feel free to message me 1:1 or leave a comment below the post. You can also check out other FSW resources, the quiz, and the FSW Circle, and you’ll get some free guides to help you. Remember to look inward as often as you can, because your wisdom is within, Friends. It’s ready to guide you on your journey, and show you how divine and worthy you truly are.💗